He's gone.
Our leader has moved to the great state of Tennessee. This hurts. A lot. That boy was beyond my best friend. Honestly, he meant more to me than most of my family. I would have died for, killed for, destroyed for this man. It's not fair.
I can only hope that Jester is right in saying that even though the next few years will bring disappointment and hurt, eventually we will all be back together, and something even greater will come along.
For now, all thats left to do is let time heal the pain.....and pray that Time decides to be nice to us and move rather quickly.
- Location:niskayuna
- Mood:
crushed - Music:Wake Up - Coheed and Cambria
I'm going to ride this plane out of your life again.
I wish that I could stay but you argue.
More than this I wish you could've seen my face
In backseat staring out the window.
I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.
So leave yourself intact
'Cause I will be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I love you.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.
I've earned through hope and faith
The curves around your face
That I'm the one you'll hold forever.
If morning never comes for either one of us,
Then this I pray to you wherever.
I'll do anything for you.
This story is for you.
('Cause I'd do anything you want me to... for you.)
I'll do anything for you,
Kill anyone for you.
So leave yourself intact
'Cause I won't be coming back.
In a phrase to cut these lips,
I loved you.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
Until you decide to wake up.
The morning will come
In the press of every kiss
With your head upon my chest
Where I will annoy you
With every waking breath
'Til you decide to wake up.
- Location:kennywyck
- Mood: crappy
I dont want him to leave.........
Especially since.....yeah.....
I like him a lot but......idk where it's going to go, if anywhere......
It's complicated....
I miss him a lot, and as much as I try to deny it, I still love him.....
And I dont know what his stance on me is.....
Those will all get their own entry later. But yeah. Whatevers. Time to go clean the room.........just had to post a quick one
- Mood:
confused - Music:dr. horrible
Oh how it's been so long,
We're so sorry we've been gone
We were busy writing songs for you!
- Location:niskayuna
- Mood: depressed
- Music:Folkin' Around - Panic at the Disco
( Read more... )
- Mood:
cranky - Music:your call, secondhand serenade
Wow, way to be a long time.
Well, i started school at Siena College in september. I'm enrolled as a social work major, and at the time i was enrolled in ROTC as well. I wasn't contracted, so i had no obligations. I was kind of just along for the ride. I was also the only freshman girl in it. It was really hard to get used to, mainly because since I was a girl, they treated me like crap. No one acknowledged my presence, i wasnt ever on any lists for any activities until october or november. It was tough. But it was a good experience.
In october i started going out with the most amazing guy EVER. I love him so much.
So yeah. anyways, i turned 19 in november. Yay for being able to drink in Canada. And then it was time for christmas break. Awesome storyt about that.
Well, because of this HUGE icestorm that NY decided to have, the entire campus lost power and we were actually evacuated. They told us to go home and be out of the dorm withing 24hrs. That was so much fun. We had a sleepover at my house with boyfriend Juan, my roommate Jen, and leigh, Yeah. It was totally awesome!!!
So that is my life in a teenytiny nutshell for the past few months. I plan to update more often. And i guarantee there will be another entry today.
Much lovesies
- Location:siena college
- Mood:
exhausted - Music:Paper Planes - MIA
So, welcomer back to LJ to meeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Location:siena college
- Mood:
crazy - Music:the beach boys
Closer - NeYo
Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield
Sexy Can I - Ray J
Summergirls - LFO
Summertime - New Kids on The Block
The Boys of Summer - The Ataris
Leavin' - Jesse McCartney
Summer Love - Justin Timberlake
Summertime - Kenny Chesney
I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry
There She Goes - Sixpence None The Richer
Kiss Me - Sixpence None The Richer
Don't Go Breaking My Heart - Ella Enchanted OST
It's Not Just Make Believe - Ella Enchanted OST
Last Name - Carrie Underwood
Gunpowder and Lead - Miranda Lambert
All-American Girl - Carrie Underwood
Touch My Body - Mariah Carey
Free Falling - Tom Petty
Wonderwall - Oasis
Closing Time - SemiSonic
The General - Dispatch
Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams
Paper Planes - MIA
See You Again - Miley Cyrus
Labels or Love - Fergie
Angel in the Centerfold - J. Giles Band
You Save Me - Kenny Chesney
You Had Me From Hello - Kenny Chesney
She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy - Kenny Chesney
Hey Juliet - LMNT
I Love You - Martina McBride
She's In Love With The Boy - Martina McBride
This One's For the Girls - Martina McBride
When You Say Nothing at All - Tim McGraw
Ramblin' Man - Allman Brothers
Little Moments Like That - Brad Paisley
He Didn't Have To Be - Brad Paisley
I'm Gonna Miss Her - Brad Paisley
Letter To Me - Brad Paisley
Uncomfortably Numb - Butch Walker
#1 Summer Jam - Butch Walker
Ever Ever After - Carrie Underwood
Sexy Love - NeYo
With You - Chris Brown
I'll Stop the World and Melt with You - The Cure
With You - Jessica Simpson
Bye Bye - Mariah Carey
What Was I Thinkin' - Bentley Dierks
First Time - Lifehouse
What You Got - Akon
Let's Make Love in This Club - Usher
What's my age again - blink 182
Take a Bow - Rihanna
Don't STop the Music - Rihanna
Into the Night - Santana feat. Chad Kroeger
In Love With a Girl - Gavin DeGraw
Tonight - Daughtry
Lollipop - Lil Wayne
Graduation - Vitamin C
Scotty Doesnt Know - Lustra
It Wasn't Me - Shaggy
Thunder - Boys Like Girls
Take You There - Sean Kingston
Don't Stop Believing - Journey
Mercy - Duffy
Shake It - Metro Station
All Summer Long - Kid Rock
Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Let Love In - Goo Goo Dolls
- Location:Niskayuna
- Mood:
creative - Music:Sex and The City ((tv))
I broke up with Josh yesterday.
I couldn't do it. I thought I was falling for him. Nope. Not at all. I was falling until he started being clingy, manipulative, controlling and overbearing.
Yeah. It was kinda one of those things where i was like "dude, it's not the end of the world if you dont see me for ONE DAY."
Yeah.....if i couldnt see him one day, he'd guilt//manipulate me into seeing him somehow. it was rediculous.
That and the fact that it wasnt fair to him because I'm still in love with jeremy, and we're talking about possibly maybe getting back together in the future.
Don't worry, im not holding on to that thought for dear life. It was just too soon to be dating someone, and until im either a) back with jeremy, or b) completely over him, im not going to date anyone.
I kinda also just wanna have fun. Im starting college in the fall. I dont feel like necessarily being tied down for the summer. That was my original plan, and it didnt work because josh decided that we were going to be dating, without actually asking me. so yeah.
So anyways, I hung out with leigh yesterday, and that was waayyy nice because we havent hung out a lot in a while because of rediculously crayzee schedules. And then today i got to see my gayman and my Jared for dinner and a movie at Denny's and Siena. lol
woohoo. So im feeling a lot better.
And THEN thursday is graduation, friday is my grad party, and saturday is jimmy and dtrains grad party and thursday AFTER graduation, dtrain and i are going to see the midnight show of Wanted. WOOTNESS.
busy busy busy.
leave me love!!!!!!!!!!
- Location:home
- Mood: crazy
- Music:i kissed a girl, katy perry
"Missing"
~Evanescence~
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
[Chorus:]
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
[Chorus]
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...
[Chorus]
- Mood: crushed
- Music:lara croft
SOMEONE MAKE IT FUCKING STOP.
please. im begging you.
make it stop hurting. erase my memory, kill me, something. this hurts too much. i cant deal with it. i want him back, but he's so happy with her, and not me.
once again, i cant make someone happy. im just not good enough.
dear god, make it go away.
- Mood: crushed
- Music:lara croft
Seriously people, what the fuck? How is it worth it? I need someone to explain this to me before i completely and utterly give up on it all together. Which is pretty much where I'm at right now.
I am so sick of being hurt, destroyed, betrayed, deserted, and just utterly destroyed in general. I don't know why i keep going back to it. It just hurts soooo much.
Why do people put themselves through this?
Lovers cheat.
Lovers lie.
Lovers betray.
Lovers destroy.
Lovers abandon.
Lovers hurt.
Lovers abuse (sometimes)
Why then? I feel kinda like Carrie Bradshaw. But honestly. I don't know what the fuck to do. It has never hurt this bad before in my LIFE. someone, do something so that i dont give up on love for good. Something. ANYTHING. Make believe again, because right now I sure as hell cant believe that any good can ever come of it.
He was the one. And it was destroyed. I dont know how much longer i can do this.
</3
- Location:nisky high
- Mood:destroyed
- Music:whiskey lullabye, brad paisley feat. allison krauss
She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace
The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born
Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel
Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late
[Repeat Chorus]
A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot
[Repeat Chorus]
Babe, we're gonna fix this and get you out. I promise. i love you girl <333
- Location:niskayuna high school
- Mood: angry
- Music:something sexy about the rain, kenny chesney
"Bleeding Love"
~Leona Lewis~
Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen
But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy
But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open
Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling
But nothing's greater than the risk that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe
But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open
And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
- Mood: confused
- Music:moon river, audrey hepburn
I hate the fact that I fall so fast and so hard sometimes. I'm like, doing a better job keeping my footing on this one, but it's hard.
It's kinda like i'm on this huge mountain, and im walking down it, and every time i fall for him a little more, thats another few feet i've slipped and fallen down the mountain. I think i just went slightly past the halfway mark today.
SHIIIIIIT.
I dunno.....there's just something about him. I dunno. After Jeremy, he's like, helped me to feel again. Which, if you know me, isnt easy to do. I dunno. I just want this one to go slow, but i keep falling farther and farther and faster. FUCK.
it's not supposed to go like this. lol. i dunno. I just like, can't stop smiling whenever he's around. it's a nice feeling.....i just dont want to end up getting myself hurt again.
- Mood: crazy
- Music:come together, across the universe soundtrack
Well, about a month ago, Jeremy and I broke up because well.....i dunno. lol. He dumped me for like, 2 other girls, one of which was his ex girlfriend Heather (whore). But whatever. It's ok. I've come to terms with it, and strangely enough, he's the only guy that's ever broken my heart that I can still say im really good friends with. It's kinda weird. Anyways, yeah. Like I said, we're still friends, and he called me yesterday, to tell me that he and heather were done because she cheated on him (yet again.) i have absolutely no sympathy because i told him it would happen. Oh well. Sucks to be him.
I dont understand men sometimes. Honestly. You get a really good girl, and yeah, she may have some issues, but like, if things are going good between you guys, yet you dump them for the hussy. That, or my other favorite excuse is "I love you, but we can't be together." See, ya'll go and say//do shit like that, and then you wonder why so many of us are lesbians. lol. I swear. lol
But it's ok. If Jeremy and I hadn't broken up, I would have never started dating Josh. >.< He's such a cutie. I <3 him. It hasn't developed to full on love yet, and that's ok. I've had incredibly intense relationships for the past 3 years, it's time for something chill and low key. It's nice. I like it. It's just the right level of intensity. lol that and the fact that i love the fact that i'm dating a total redneck. but he's a cute redneck, so it works. lol. the first time i ever went up to his house, he took me out on the 4wheeler. i LOVE those things. they're so much fun...especially when you go like, 60. lol.
Anyways, school is almost over (OH MY GOD!!!) i can't believe im going to college in a few short months. I can't WAIT. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and dad, but i'm kinda, really ready to spread my wings and do things on my terms, and do what I want. I'm kinda sick of having to report where I am ever 2 hours, and of having them breathing down my neck 24/7. I just want to be me on my terms, not me on my parent's terms. You know? But next year is going to be incredibly intense. Majoring in Social Work, minoring in Theater, and then doing ROTC (Reserve Officer Training Corps.). Plus like, partying and shit. it's gonna kick ass. lol.
So, on a completely different note, SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE = AMAZING. if you havent seen it, but watch the show (even somewhat), you MUST see the movie. I cried so much during that movie. lol. it's so good!!! lol. girly moment, yes I know. But still.
Ok, well, i should probably get back to class soonish. I'm in the middle of Advanced Photography, and waiting for my copious amounts of negatives to scan in, and i figured that i'd update, since while they're scanning in, there's not much else i can do. lol
Hopefully i'll update soon.
<333
- Mood:
busy - Music:consequence free, great big sea
yay
we're all good.
*giggles*
<33
- Mood:
relieved - Music:dont stop the music, rihanna
i dont know what the fuck is going on. Jeremy's not talking to me, and I dont know why. IF he picks up his phone, he "has to go" and cant talk for more than 30 seconds, if that. Usually, he just doesnt pick up though.
i dont mind if he needs space, but fucking inform me somewhat of whats going on. ARGH. i hate this. I havent eaten in almost 24 hours, i dont sleep well, i've barely been able to stop crying all morning. WHAT THAT FUCK IS GOING ON???
It like, barely feels like we're in a relationship right now. I dont hear from him, he's cold to me....i dont know what i did.
I cant lose him. I dont want to lose him. im going to fucking fight for him no matter what it takes.
And i want to be there for him whenever he needs me, but i cant fucking do that if he doesnt let me.
i just wanna scream at th top of my lungs, and then run away to anywhere until shit gets figured out. and i wish i could right now. i dont want to be here anymore at this point. he might be coming home tomorrow, if h sticks with what he said last week. but i dunno. i wanna like, drive down there and then just like, sleep//camp out outside the hotel until someone a) tells him im there b) he finds out himself.
whatever. i feel empty and numb and like i wanna die.
not that he'd give a shit right now anyways.
- Location:niskayuna high school
- Mood: numb
- Music:hide and seek, Imogen Heap
Dear ![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
fatalsuicidex15,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but, I dislike you.I think I realized it when your dog ran amok in your apartment and I saw you sit on my best friend. I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that I get turned on by garbage men. I'm returning the couch cusions to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I always will remember the incarnation as an eskimo.
Greetings to your frog Leonard.
HannahBear.
{{kayteekinz i LOVE you!!!)
Dear (last person to leave a comment on your el-jay)
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I_1_. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.
___12___,
-Your name-
1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister
2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes
3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife
4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out
5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk
6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed
7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks
8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service
9. The last letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your suicide note
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your neighbour Martin
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college
10. The first letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked
11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics
12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family
- Location:niskayuna
- Mood:
tired - Music:home, beauty and the beast soundtrack
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